About nine months ago, out of my curiosity and interest in meditation I began interviewing individuals who had been meditating. It just so happens that 2 of the 3 people I interviewed had had ‘psychotic episodes’ similar to the experiences the shamans described to me.

Adam is one of those individuals.

Since my understanding of altered states of consciousness is just beginning and Adam is still in the throws of understanding what has happened to him, I’ve decided to tell this story as it unfolded to me and continues to unfold in a series of blogs.  More on Adam to follow!

20 Responses to “Meet Adam: A Psychotic Break or Spiritual Emergency”

  1. Trina

    Hi Phil!
    Longtime no see 🙂
    We should grab coffee sometime, and talk about your new project, Youth in Focus, and my time with shamans in the Amazon, Guatemala and my own journeying. Cheers, Trina

  2. Caitlin

    I watched the last video first and quickly became very interested in your project but I must admit my confusion. In these short videos of Adam, he is very vague and I am left without any real clear understanding of his journey. I am very interested to hear more and get more solid or detailed answers from him on his episodes, what he experienced, was any part of his episodes mathmatically sound?, etc. I am left with several unanswered questions. You also state that his episodes are like those the Shamans had. How so? Were any of Adams premonitions right? Etc.

    • Phil Borges

      Hi Caitlin,
      Thank you for your feedback. We do have testimonials from Adam’s friends and family of premonitions that he has made and ways that he has helped them. The point we were intending to get across with the first few posts/clips is that Adam is still in the mist of figuring out exactly what is happening to him. There are not any clear answers for him or us at this point, but do stay tuned to the blog to hear the testimonials from his friends and family that are coming soon!

      • Torrine

        I’ve experienced very similar things that Adam did and it’s a very hard situation to explain.. I’ve had several episodes that felt like some type of supernatural experience that can’t really be explained in detail because there is do much that happens at one time..Adam is absolutely right when he says at first it’s pretty cool then gets crazy scary.. I haven’t found anyone who has experienced this similar thing so it’s hard for anyone to relate especially the doctor’s.. They just want to drug you and keep it moving..

  3. Blake Gilbert

    Dear Phil,

    You’re telling my Story! 🙂

    Thank you for this. Your videos give me goosebumps and tears: I am truly moved. I’m grateful for the message you are bringing back from the Other side.

    All the best, Blake

  4. Jenny

    After my brain injury (see post here inner-worlds-ron-and-moral-injury) I drew pictures trying to describe what I felt: that the top of my head had opened up to the universe, like a flaphad lifted up and no barrier between me and it. If I had been religious I would most likely have described this as a deeply religious experience. I was overwhelmed with my new perspective on the world and the universe.

    Many people who experience out of body/near death experiences (including during operations as in my case) describe them as religious – if they have faith, those of us without don’t.

    I don’t believe anybody suddenly ‘goes crazy’, I believe Adam had a sudden brain event, maybe a clot or a bleed? Has he ever had an MRI?

    I wish you and him all the best.

  5. Marios

    Hello Phil,

    My name is Marios and I am from Greece.I am 22 years old and I suffer from epilepsy and as my psychiatrist says from Psychosis.
    So let me tell you a bit about my story.Almost all my school life I was being bullied from other kids for various reasons.I endured emotional trauma,because people ridiculed me and because I could not protect myself.
    In 2008 I had my first epileptic seizure.In 2011 I had my second epileptic seizure.The cause of the seizures was mainly the lack of sleep.
    In early 2014 I was sitting in meditation,when I started hearing angel and demons voices. Sometimes the angels and the demons were arguing with each other and I was just observing.But most of the times they told me to do some random stuff like,go to that street and spread the Light.There was one time that I could feel the Light all over my body and I was just spreading it to the world.In the same days I experienced synchronicity and repetitive numbers.I was seeing everywhere numbers like (1111,2222,3333 etc) to the point that I stopped believing the existence of coincidence.I could feel that the current walking 3D reality is a dream.I felt that we are all connected,i had a sense of Oneness with everything.I felt that we are all ONE and I felt a strong connection with the Universe.In these days I felt that my perceptions,my awareness and my consiousness were expanding.Everything that I did,felt like I did something new.I was feeling that I was operating on two different worlds.I could sense spirits and the spiritual world.I felt different like myself Is not myself anymore.I had a feeling that something changed within me.I felt that I was an Angel.I felt Unconditional Love for everyone and everything to the point that I cried,badly.
    In the summer of 2014,i was in my room at the village lying on the bed.Slowly I felt one with Love,it was pure ecstasy.Then I did something really stupid,i set the intention to do Love with a demon,because I wanted to share that Love.I could feel the body of the demon as a physical sensation.The whole thing was ecstatic.After a couple of hours I could feel the symptoms.I could feel the demons all around me,i could see demonic energy in some people’s eyes.It was scary.Then my thoughts turned really foggy and dark.My parents noticed my weird behaviour and took me to the hospital.I told them what happened and they referred me to a psychiatrist.I was put on a heavy drugs including anti-psychotics.The side-effects were so strong that I could not move,eat and I could barely talk.For a couple of days I was in agony,the pain was so strong that I wanted to kill myself.But I overcomed it.It’s worth mentioning that during my time in the hospital I experienced a third epileptic seizure.
    My psychiatrist steadily decreased the drugs and at the current time I don’t hear any angelic or demonic voices.He told me that I had a chemical inbalance and what I experienced was a psychotic episode,a break from reality.I believe that my above experiences was a part of my spiritual awakening.
    I am desperately trying to find my way out of this.Any help is appeciated.Thanks for your time reading this.I am praying to get a reply.

    Regards, Marios

    • Phil Borges

      Hello Marios,

      Thank you for sharing your story. We have received many stories similar to yours. You’re not alone! Please visit our resources page at There are many online communities out there to connect with people who have had similar experiences. Best on luck on your journey!


  6. Raza Piya

    Want to extend my heartfelt appreciation for your work, 8 months ago I adopted a 17 year old young man who was about to be put in a mental institution. I visited him as he was locked in a room in an ecological community he was living in at the time in Ecuador, although he was surrounded by an alternative community, living off the grid, they did not know how to help this incredible young man and he was becoming a preceived burden in the community as he grew frustrated and aggressive and became labeled as evil etc. I invited him into my home and took him in, we lived together for 4 months side by side and I hoped taking him to Peru to receive some type of Shamnaic intervention to address the spiritual side of his experience may be helpful. I was unable to find a shaman to work with and his symptoms grew worse, at one point he was lost on the streets and beaten and the police took him into custody. After this we took him for the first time to a hospital to get help, where he jumped out the window from the 6th story of the hospital, miraculously he only broke 3 bones. I took him home and hoped he may become calmer as he could not walk for many months so this made it easier to care for him because I was alone with him. He has physchic abilities and reads people emotionally, he is an artist and creates images that can move one to tears or laughter, this person is in a great transitional space and I have tried my best to give him a place to be safe and feel assured of his wholeness as he traverses through this portal. Your documentary Crazywise has been a great part of making a desicion to take him to Brazil and get help from the Spiritist movement there. I watched the short video from Dagmar Ramos M.D. and since he was born in Brazil he is a citizen there and the treatments that are being offered are some of the most progressive that I have been able to find since going on this journey to help this beautiful and inspiring young man. I am without a way to express enough to you how grateful I am for the part you are playing in the unfolding of our story. Keep telling your stories that bridge the two worlds, keep reaching out, I hear you and embrace the story you are telling from afar!

    • Phil Borges

      Wow! Raza, that is such a wonderful story. Thank you so much for sharing! Your actions are very honorable. Has this young man already received treatment in Brazil? If not, I would be happy to connect you with our contacts there.

  7. Christina Arnold

    Adam! U seem so harsh on yourself… How can your experience be so amazing, but such a bad thing? Maybe because other peoples perception on YOUR experience. I’ve been there and it was completely magical and AMAZING!!! Some of the people closest to me considered me sick, but they are wrong… What happened to me was I prayed and asked Jesus to show me the way. At the time I was very sad… I just found out my fiancée was trying to cheat on me, and I felt very empty. I cried and prayed and asked God to show me the way. Then this saying came in my own head like I was talking to myself in my head, but I didn’t think of it. It just popped up and was like “In order to find the truth, you have to be able to tell it” Then I thought about it, and was like you know what that makes sense I am going to try it. So I did, and I thought of everything I lied about, and started telling the truth about EVERYTHING! Before that lying was common to me. Now, everything has changed as far as lying for me. I would tell the truth to people and family, and they would get so mad, because the reason I lied about things was because they were things that people didn’t want to hear. So it was very hard to tell the truth, but I did. After that God showed me the most AMAZING things, and I was able to remember things that were blocked in my mind. I almost could connect lies to bad events… It was incredible. My tv was different and I wasn’t the only person who seen it different. My radio, nature, everywhere there was signs for me. It was just so amazing, and I miss that more than anything!!! Then my mom didn’t understand she flipped out on me, and I was so peaceful I didn’t know how to handle that. Anyway, I ended up in the hospital diagnosed with a severe psychosis break. Trust me I think I was more than perfectly fine. Then they put me on this medication after I got out I just felt surrounded by negativity. I couldn’t live my life for God like I wanted to. I ended up getting a job at the mall where I was lead into perversion, and now I feel like I’m back to this stinky dumb world where I have a lot of name brand clothes and drawers full of make up just to feel normal and fit in with society. I didn’t worry about nothing like that before. It just seems like most of society’s norm is just meaningless stuff, and so full of all this meaningless what I would’ve considered distractions before, and now they have consumed me. :((

  8. Sally Krostal

    I wish that i had found you sooner. A young man that I know has been going through this process. I have been supporting him in his awakening awareness, but was not aware of the turmoil that he was going through. Last week, just 12 hours after we had been discussing oneness and seeking truth, he murdered his parents. His mother was one of my best friends and I feel that I owe it to her to help properly mentor more young people to keep this kind of tragedy from occurring again. I am so glad that my searching brought me to this page. I look forward to your upcoming film. Bless you.

  9. wendy

    I’m so glad to find your blog. I had a ‘breakdown’ / complete mental break age 37. I’m an accountant who owns 50% of their own business. I have been in counselling since then and thanks to the love of my husband i’ve been back at work (never discussing this stigma attaching episode in my life). But i will never forget it. I had 3 weeks of a complete mental break from reality including psychotic episodes. When i caught up on sleep I began to feel better but the reality of the situation was the scariest part for me. Learning to live again / to talk to people without telling anyone what happened for fear of judgement, was awful. Now I can see every benefit and everything I’ve learned however, there have been serious losses of relationships also. I took about 4 tablets to help me relax and 2 sleeping tablets (i’m told). But apart from that, I’ve been medication free and didn’t attend doctors. I’ve always hated labels. When this happened first, I was sent to hospital for a CAT scan (i think the doctor feared i had a tumour in my brain). Once that was clear, then it was only a ‘mental’ problem ! I didn’t attend any doctors. I found (through good people) an amazing counsellor who helped me for 9 months. After that, i had to find another as that person left the country. Counselling and my husband have made my live what it is today. I’m thankful for them. Because of my job, I don’t share this (at all), so i’m grateful to be able to share this here. I hope anyone going through this realises there is hope and you can come out the other side. Patience and non judgement, be kind to yourself and (as ‘selfish’ as people may think this is) ALWAYS take care of yourself first. Eat well, sleep well and mind yourself

  10. wendy

    i should have said. I stayed out of work for about 2 months only. Then returned part time for one month and fully after that. To date, our business has improved and my ability to work has not been impacted.

  11. Emily Ranft

    My name is Emily and I’m 23 years old and I am currently a patient at Providence Care in Kingston, Ontario, Canada. I am involuntarily committed, with my right to consent to treatment taken away. I experienced a very similar situation to Adam. When I am perceived as manic with psychosis I actually feel myself again. I feel so connected with everything in the cosmos. Everything is beautiful and mystical. My intuition astounds me — I can see the clues and connections everywhere. I love everyone and I just want to explore. My poetry just flows out of me during this time. The feeling is beyond words really. And I achieve this state through diligent care for both myself physically and mentally. The times I am depressed is when they numb me out with tons of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers that this connection to the holy cosmic consciousness is gone. I can barely feel it anymore and I just don’t feel myself. I feel awful on these medications. But I don’t have a choice because that right is taken away from me. I am convinced that healthy living and holistic wellness helps me achieve amazing states, but sadly is perceived as mania for people who don’t understand. They think I am better on meds because I am not my vibrant self anymore and I barely say anything. I am dull, blank, mindless. I would like to thank Phil Borges for putting this together and helping people like me realize there is another way perceiving mental illness. Also I am sending super sonic healing energy to Adam.
    And I am also asking for help with my situation.
    Here some stuff I wrote to express this feeling:

    A Heavenly Sphere
    is glowing from my chest
    it’s an in-external flame
    that ignited, creating, express.

    As the sun
    be my only source of energy
    glow to guide
    my searching soul
    warn and warm me
    on a journey
    so familiar
    it’s unknown.

    I could not tell you the day this exactly happened. Dates and time are a human invention that the spirit of the cosmos pays little attention to. I think it was around 6:00 AM. I rose as usual; filled with ecstasy to begin another holy moment, conscious. I like this time, it’s quiet, less consciousness bouncing around.
    I do not plan where I will run to on my morning run, but instead let my spirit lead me to where I need to go. And this day it led me to the water pathway in Portsmouth.
    I watched Grandmother Moon watching me and two bright stars smiling. The crisp air purified my mind, filtering through my breath, as my heart warmed my body with each step.
    Sometimes my ego and the pleasure of physical fitness can consume the moment, but not this time.
    At the edge of a bend, behind some trees, I spotted a rock point. The inner sensation of God’s direction whispered for me to explore. I went around the bush and there is was: a rock that waited millions of years, for this moment, for me to arrive.
    I sat and thanked Grandmother Moon. The waves crashed into the limestone rock shore beneath me. The sound of ice chunks sounded like hundreds of wooden wind chimes
    To the east the sun was rising from the corner of Wolfe Island, glowing behind a delicate lace of clouds, the organish-yellow shown through the different colours of black and grey; painting the world with light and the sun, missing me and just as excited to receive this glorious day.
    For a moment I was lost, but rather found. And when God told me it was time to leave and promised there will be many more moments as this one, I began to run home and realized: everything is going to be okay.

    • Phil Borges

      Thank you for sharing this Emily. Lovely what you wrote. I am sorry we cannot help with your situation but perhaps you will be able to find someone who can through our resource page: It lists some services in Canada as well as on line services that you may find helpful. We wish you the best as you continue this difficult journey.


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